


Letters

by runinism



Category: The Poppy War - R. F. Kuang
Genre: Character Death, F/F, Letters, sleep is for the weak
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-18 09:53:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28990290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/runinism/pseuds/runinism
Summary: Letters between Rin and Venka over the course of tpw trilogyWon't be posted in chronological order, I'm sorry :(Spoilers for all three books in The Poppy War trilogy, archive warnings in chapter notes.
Relationships: Fang Runin/Sring Venka
Comments: 5
Kudos: 11





	Letters

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings for survivor guilt, major character death, reference to rape/ non-con, grief, references to starvation.
> 
> Likely to be a complete pile of shit because I just reread the last four chapters of tbg and I'm crying and I haven't edited.
> 
> Major The Burning God spoilers!!!

Venka,

I’m thinking about the first time I remember wishing you were mine.

I was waiting on the pier, for the boats that would take us upstream to stop whatever it was that was poisoning the water supply. I was with Nezha, he was being a dick, like usual. You came running down the pier towards where we were standing and you looked so determined, the most determined I’d seen you look since Golyn Nis; gods you were beautiful.

You wanted to come with us, I remember you saying. You wanted to fire your crossbow, to stand on the ship with us, to feel like you were at least doing something because you couldn’t bear the sitting around anymore. You weren’t one to wait for others to do all the work. 

I didn’t want to protect you because you, my brave, brilliant Venka, had never needed protecting, even after everything you’d been put through.

You’d almost shot Nezha after that- maybe that’s why I’d wanted to kiss you. I loved to watch you shoot.

I miss talking to you, the way we’d drive Kitay mad with our mindless chatter. We had the same way of coping; I guess it was because if we weren’t talking, we were thinking and that was something neither of us wanted to do. 

You were hurting, keeping your pain tucked away so people who didn’t know you like I did had no idea, and I liked that I could help you escape the memories, even for a little while. You were always so strong, even when you had the right not to be. Maybe I shouldn’t have let you distract yourself by throwing your whole being into dangerous battles, but I so desperately wanted you to be happy and the only way it seemed you could do that was by doing something that made you forget.

Most of all I’m sorry.

I’m sorry that I didn’t rescue you from Golyn Nis, sorry that I didn’t say something about how I felt when I had the chance, sorry that you died with me doubting you, but most of all, I’m sorry that I couldn’t save you. 

I miss you so much V and I know you’re never going to read this because you’re gone and you’re never coming back and it’s all my fault. 

I like to think that you weren’t working with Nezha- you weren’t each other’s biggest fans before he left us anyway- but I’ll never have a way of truly knowing. It hurts so much to know that the last memory you have is of saving the girl who couldn’t bring herself to believe in you. You were so consistently there for me towards the end and I couldn’t be there for you in the moment you needed me to be the most. 

I could apologise a million times, but it wouldn’t be enough.

I wish you were here with me right now. I’m so scared, Venka, and everyone expects me to be strong and know what to do and I don’t: I’m barely out of childhood. We didn’t win the war, not really.

I think the real fight hasn’t even started yet.

Yours always,

Rin


End file.
